Mom,
I want to apologize to you.
I’m sorry for blaming you. I’m sorry for all the shitty things I said and did to you. I’m sorry I didn’t ask for help sooner. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry for wasting time being angry at you for choices I made when I could have been using that time to get help and heal. I’m sorry I followed in dads footsteps knowing damn well where it would land me. I’m sorry to put you through the stress of having a child on drugs. I’m sorry for every sleepless night you followed me or stayed up worrying about if I would ever come out of the woods and be human again. If it wasn’t for you, I would have given everything to stay high. I would have lost my babies to the system, my home, and my car. I would have gave everything just to not feel the pain I was running from, even my life. I’m sorry I did this to you, to my sisters, to my kids, to my friends, and to myself. Im sorry you had to take over for me when I failed and then went even further off off deep end when I couldn’t cope with the consequences of my choices. I can’t get the time I wasted being a shit head back but I can guarantee you I won’t spend another day seething in misplaced anger. My days with you are numbered and I don’t want to let my anger and stupidity take away another minute of loving you and being a good daughter to you, I’ve already let that steal too much of those happy times from me. So thank you for choosing to love me through everything even when it wasn’t easy, thank you for helping me pick the pieces of my life up off the ground, thank you for giving me tough love when I needed it and being an unmoveable rock in my life, my biggest fan even when I thought you hated me and treated you awful because I let the drugs take me away. Without you I would be dead, and I’m sorry I ever took you for granted. I promise, I will do better. I promise, I will show you that you raised me right and you will be proud of the woman I am. I love you mom, thank you for saving my life, thank you for supporting me through all the bullshit when you have no obligation to do anything for me. I hope one day my kids will be as proud to have me as their mom as I am of having you as my mom, my role model, my support, and my hero. I love you, always. -YoshiB
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